I stared Death in the face and lived to tell about it...
As everyone well knows, the Oakridge house suffers from plagues of ants. Those horrible, miserable little creatures like to descend en masse upon our kitchen…and dining room, where the cats are served their breakfast and dinner. Every year, without fail, we have to bring out our personal weapons of mass destruction. Well, at least some armaments due to Deanna’s chemical allergies. Windex? They laughed in our faces. Then, Deanna had to ban Windex because it stripped the floor. (Personally, I think she’d be happy living in one of those sod houses from back in the day, using nothing but water and homemade soap [lye?] to clean things.) How happy were we when we saw the commercial advertising organic Raid?
Then, Tania decided to one-up the whole operation. We were going to defeat these pests once and for all! She purchased ant hotels (die in comfort, a la Kevorkian), and these little pesticide stakes that were put along the edge of the house in the herb garden (oh, if Deanna only knew…). All of a sudden? No ants!! It was amazing! It was a miracle!
Yesterday morning, I looked down at the stove and realized one of the burner plates looked like it was moving. Mind you, the stove is black (and also one of the items on the ‘banned from cleaning products’ list, per Deanna). I look more closely, and I see mass swarms of ants going for the food that fell out of the pot during the cooking process. They were coming from underneath! No visible trail! Those blasted things…yet, so smart. I just let them be. Maybe they could do a better job cleaning now that we’ve been limited to water (and, I suppose, hand made soap if I could only figure out how to make it…). (Again, per Deanna…no Windex, no Comet, no scrubby side of the sponge…really, I’m afraid to use anything else that might end up banned as well.) When I got home and checked the stove again, the ants were done and gone. I never thought I’d see anything like it again. I was wrong.
Today I was witness to the most horrific thing. The swirling, teeming masses. The utter confusion…you would definitely NOT want to be caught in all of that, and I was, for a few seconds. The panic I felt…no, not ants. Retirees. Today is one of the bimonthly Board meetings. Today, they’re discussing the fate of health care. The county retirees have been provided with health care for about 5 years (as per Allan in the call center. I can overhear him talking to the retirees. Really quite informative). It’s been a strictly volunteer benefit that’s been offered, and the county is looking to take that away. Who has ever witnessed old people, in one large group, up at arms to protect something they value? I can say now that I have. I have seen the elderly wander around, lost, as they try to figure out which elevator to take to the 14th floor (both set will go to the 14th floor). I’ve witnessed the elderly pack themselves into an elevator like sardines…literally. It was almost as if they were afraid the other 7 elevators would never arrive to take them to their destination. I’ve been caught in the flow of old people as they ebbed and flowed, trying to find where to sit, get coffee, get parking validation…
I never want to see it again. I never want to get caught in it again. I’m going to hide in my cubicle until they are all gone…
Then, Tania decided to one-up the whole operation. We were going to defeat these pests once and for all! She purchased ant hotels (die in comfort, a la Kevorkian), and these little pesticide stakes that were put along the edge of the house in the herb garden (oh, if Deanna only knew…). All of a sudden? No ants!! It was amazing! It was a miracle!
Yesterday morning, I looked down at the stove and realized one of the burner plates looked like it was moving. Mind you, the stove is black (and also one of the items on the ‘banned from cleaning products’ list, per Deanna). I look more closely, and I see mass swarms of ants going for the food that fell out of the pot during the cooking process. They were coming from underneath! No visible trail! Those blasted things…yet, so smart. I just let them be. Maybe they could do a better job cleaning now that we’ve been limited to water (and, I suppose, hand made soap if I could only figure out how to make it…). (Again, per Deanna…no Windex, no Comet, no scrubby side of the sponge…really, I’m afraid to use anything else that might end up banned as well.) When I got home and checked the stove again, the ants were done and gone. I never thought I’d see anything like it again. I was wrong.
Today I was witness to the most horrific thing. The swirling, teeming masses. The utter confusion…you would definitely NOT want to be caught in all of that, and I was, for a few seconds. The panic I felt…no, not ants. Retirees. Today is one of the bimonthly Board meetings. Today, they’re discussing the fate of health care. The county retirees have been provided with health care for about 5 years (as per Allan in the call center. I can overhear him talking to the retirees. Really quite informative). It’s been a strictly volunteer benefit that’s been offered, and the county is looking to take that away. Who has ever witnessed old people, in one large group, up at arms to protect something they value? I can say now that I have. I have seen the elderly wander around, lost, as they try to figure out which elevator to take to the 14th floor (both set will go to the 14th floor). I’ve witnessed the elderly pack themselves into an elevator like sardines…literally. It was almost as if they were afraid the other 7 elevators would never arrive to take them to their destination. I’ve been caught in the flow of old people as they ebbed and flowed, trying to find where to sit, get coffee, get parking validation…
I never want to see it again. I never want to get caught in it again. I’m going to hide in my cubicle until they are all gone…
posted by sasha at 9:26 AM
2 Comments:
I saw something like that about ten years ago, but on a much smaller scale. The geriatric Crips used to LOVE the movie "Sister Act." They would freaking come out in DROVES to watch it. Once, we actually got a bus from a retirment home and they all came in one fell swoop to buy maybe 25 or 30 senior tickets, making their slow, tottering way to the box office and into the theater. They came over and over and over again. Well, one day it came time for Sister Act to go where movies go when they die. A group of blue hairs came up to buy tickets one day and were furious when told it was gone. The lobby rang with cries of protest. Some of them bought tickets for something else and came in anyway, to leave the theater in confusion when they found "Deep Cover" playing in the theater they were familiar with. The lobby rang with cries of "Where's Whoopi," and "Sister Mary Clarence!!" I think one old lady said "where's the f***ing nuns?", but I can't prove anything. Anyway, I feel your pain, Sidemena...
Why do I get this Night of the Living Dead image when I think of swarms of lost, confused, angry old people slowly wandering around aimlessly? The whole thought frightens me. Let us just hope they aren't hungry.
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