When In Rome

Today I bore witness to a deadly sin. More specifically, gluttony at its most foul. Gluttony on a cataclysmic level, a visit-to-the-vomitorium level. I'm speaking, of course, of the evil of the potluck. Piles, scores, oodles of various and sundry dishes, all open for consumption over the course of a day--a veritable garden of artery-hardening delights--and the fun doesn't stop until they're gone. And today was a breakfast potluck, so there were eggs and bacon and waffles. Hashbrown and homefries and cinnamon rolls. Biscuits and gravy and sausage. Rolls and muffins and scones. I think there may have been a fruit plate, but it was cast aside like the unwanted garbage it was in favor of blessed fat-based calories. So I looked up about 9am to see people staggering toward the food-laden tables like the zombies in the Thriller video. Except a little less dancing. Though I think I saw a riverdance break out when the THREE DOZEN DOUGHNUTS arrived. But I digress... So I see these people staggering back to their cubicles with these heavy freaking 4000 calorie plates with greasy breakfast stuff worthy of Waffle House falling off them and I realize something is terribly awry in our culture. There are starving children in China or India or someplace, and here we are pigging the f--- out. So I ask the guy next to me about the kids in China. "Dave," I asked, "what about the starving kids in China? You f----ing glutton." Dave then invited the kids in China to perform an anatomically impossible act upon themselves. I moved on."Juan," I asked., "What about the starving kids in China?" Juan muttered something unintelligible around a mouthful of bacon and eggs. After a couple of more similar responses, I realized a couple facts. One, people could give a crap about the starving kids in China. And two, I was really freaking hungry. So I figured since I couldn't really get enough scrambled eggs or doughnuts to China before they became dust, I might as well riverdance myself over to the buffet tables and help perpetuate the cycle of gluttony.