FEDEX Will taste my steel

I think I'm usually a fairly patient person, but certain things just really make me want to blow something up. For example, the "new voice menus" that most companies seem to have these days. Some things, though, you just need to talk to a HUMAN BEING about. A simple question, that someone could answer easily, then get back to their solitaire, or web surfing. Whatever. But what you get is "Press 1 if you're calling from Earth, press 2 if you're calling from URANUS."
What the f***? I just want to ask someone a freaking question! "Press 3 if you have an electric toothbrush..."
This morning, I tracked a FEDEX freight package online to find it had been delivered, but the customer said it hadn't, so I called FEDEX freight to get a proof of delivery, which, after listening to their menu, is not an option offered on their automated system, and chose "Press 7 if you want to speak to an operator." Yes!! I thought. I DO want to speak to an operator. I pressed 7 with my joyous finger and got "I can connect you with an operator, but you can access our automated system by saying or pressing your tracking number now.."I pressed 7 again, and got "If you'd like to track a package, please say or press your tracking number now.."No, I thought. No!! I don't want to track a f***ing package! I need a proof of delivery!! I was promised an operator!! Liars!!!
I pounded 7 enough times to push it through my phone, and got the following-"Please say or press your tracking number now..."
I proceeded to have what some might describe as a "fit." I punched 7 again and again and lost the power of speech for several seconds, able to admit only a garbled cry of dismay, and at last, sagging, my spirit broken, I muttered the tracking number into the phone."Your package was delivered on 7/7 at 945am. Signed for by Blabedy Blah." My head started pounding and I knew I was on the verge of a stroke. Why me? I thought. It was like talking to the HAL computer from 2001. Again, I began hammering the phone, and after hitting "0" about 73 times, a surly operator came on the phone.
"FEDEX, how can I help you?"
"Yeah, I need a proof of delivery."
"Hold, please. I'll transfer you to the proper department."
I held for about a minute or two, enjoying Lynyrd Skynard's Free Bird, and then another computerized voice came on the phone.
"please say or press your tracking number now.."
After my head exploded in a shower of goo, I began researching curses on the internet. One way or another, in this life or the next, I will have my vengeance...